Big Daddy Moth

There is a Big Daddy Moth in the kids' room and he should NOT be in there. A Big Mommy Moth would be fine, so we need to go find one outside. And once the Big Mommy Moth comes into the kids' room, the Big Daddy Moth can stay because he will eat the itty bitty baby bugs that will try to eat Audrey's tummy. Then, and only then, can Sebastian go to sleep.

Pocketwatch

Sebastian was super excited to find a pocket watch in his room.  It's light blue, digital, and has some small buttons on it to change modes.  It's also a pedometer.  Aaron and I are waiting to break it to him, but he's feeling really smart and he usually uses this power to achieve our ends (like telling Audrey it's past bedtime and "We HAVE to go to BED!") so we'll get around to breaking the news... eventually.

Deep Thoughts Bedtime

Aaron and I were watching some post-kids'-bedtime TV when Sebastian walked into the living room.  We knew he wasn't asleep for the previous half hour and he does this quite often, so no surprises there.  Mostly, he comes out after Audrey has given up on throwing toys at him.  She can fall asleep mid-throw.  I've seen it happen.


Sometimes he's bored, sometimes he's scared, sometimes he's reminding us that GASP! "We forgot to go to Chuck E Cheese's!"  Each time, his earnestness is half-heartedly entertained and he is swiftly escorted back to his sleeping quarters where he strategizes with his stuffed dragon for the next attempt, which is rebuffed.

Tonight, he took more of a Jack Handy/Sid the Science Kid approach.  He came out with both hands outstretched as if asking the universe a question, walking swiftly in a circle around the living room: 

"Mom! Dad! When can it be daytime and night time at the SAME TIME?"

Then he leaned his little hip against the doorway with eyes bulging from their sockets, taking in the room after dropping this amazingly deep insight.  For he knew he had done it.  This was going to be different.  

No half-hearted entertaining, no rebuffing, no escort, just two parents with identically furrowed brows and eyes darting back and forth.  Whaaaa...?

We did collect ourselves enough to ask.  Sebastian told us that it was light outside his window and dark in the back yard and insisted that, since it was daytime from his window, it couldn't be bedtime for him.  Good point, we'll have the streetlamp's lightbulb removed in the morning after we escort you back to your bed right now. 

Good NIGHT.

(PS, I really hope this becomes a thing so I can create a good compilation of Deep Thoughts to Distract Your Parents from Bedtime)

Big Brothers Choose Breakfast

Sebastian just walked up to Audrey and asked "Do you want some caaaaandy?" Audrey smiled and said "Mmm hmmm..." to which Sebastian replied "Well we can't HAVE candy! We need our breakfast and we need an EGG!" Now Audrey's crying and they're yelling at each other.

What just happened?    

High-Def Please!

Oh my gosh, Sebastian is crying because the Barney episode on Netflix is not in high definition.  Really crying - tears and wailing kind of crying.  I get it, the episode is pixilated, but can he not SEE the huge purple dinosaur skipping in circles?  The world, as this kid knows it, is over.  If he was older, I would make him write some kind of essay on what it means to cry about your picture quality in a world ravaged by war, hunger, poverty...

Yet I know that none of those lessons would ever truly land, because I know this kind of pain and disappointment in entertainment.  Later, they will be coupled with a singular determination to fix the problem, to continue talking over the show or adjusting the television until a true high definition image appears.  I have seen it before in this house.  It is the reason we got this television.

So help me, I cloned my husband.  

Barney in my Head

My kids are watching Barney right now, which means I'm going to have songs in my head for a week. They might enjoy it, be occupied by it, dance around a little.  Sure, it might be good for them, but think of what it will do to me?

I pick my children's TV shows based on whether the songs will get stuck on my head.  I'm not ashamed to admit that.  And they will never watch Caillou, because the song is catchy and Caillou whines.

They do love Barney, apparently, and they knew about it from preschool.  I knew those other toddlers were bad influences the moment I saw my first Dora backpack in the mini-lockers!  I will say, we've been doing rather well.  Sebastian is almost 4 and has never seen an episode of Barney until today.  

I've hidden this from people: when other parents mention a song or dance that they find themselves doing, I act like I do the same thing.  No, no I don't.  And I haven't for almost four years.  

Until this morning, Barney was relegated to long-buried memories from when my younger sisters watched it incessantly.  They're twins, so one of them was always in a Barney mood.  We moved them over to Gymboree, which I think was filmed in a real gym with a clown (and is probably not legal now,) but then the tape broke.  I did love playing in a laundry basket with the twins, since I was like 11 and when we were done playing Row Row Row Your Boat, my brother and I would use the same laundry basket to surf down the stairs.  The twins are college seniors now.  That's a lot of years of avoiding that Yankee Doodle song.

Now it's over.  Everything I worked for, just gone.

Wait!  Audrey is now hopping around the living room like a frog!  I think Barney has redeemed himself.  I'll keep him on mute in the future.