Why why why?

Why, when you got into bed tonight, was there a wadded-up cupcake wrapper with cake still in it on your lovely damask striped sheet?  Oh, because I did laundry and when I do laundry I empty my pockets.  Why was that in your pocket since you never make cupcakes?  Oh, because we were at a party the other day.  Why do you have a cupcake wrapper with cake in your pocket if you can't remember the last time you ate a cupcake?  Because when we were at that party and Sebastian needed help to get the third cupcake he was reaching for, someone opened it for him halfway and he ate the icing then passed the rest to Audrey who was happily eating that when I realized she needed her nose wiped while I attempted to feel human at a party.

The CORRECT question is really "Why is there a wadded-up cupcake wrapper with half-eaten cake glued together by mucus on your lovely damask striped sheet?"

The correct ANSWER, therefore, is that, while I was registering for a Damask striped sheet set at Macy's several years ago, I was thinking much more about the white dresses and artistic fondant of an idealistic near-future I was planning than the half-eaten cupcakes and snot-covered trash of the longer-term future that would result.  My visionary expectations were way too high and I had no idea that these sheets would be a reminder of how far I had fallen.  Honestly, I should be sleeping on the floor of a barn somewhere until my kids turn 20.