Pride and Cat Treats

I'm trying to impart some wisdom on my kids, to make them fully-functioning adults.  I knew I would have to teach them lots of things - reading, potty-training, listening, proper public behavior, hygiene, safety, how to dress themselves, share, how to say "no" to strangers.  These seemed like more than enough to fill a lifetime of learning, and while I knew there were more lessons out there, I had no idea how weird it could get.

We got the cats some "Pounce" treats - the Moist Caribbean Catch Tuna Flavor if you're interested - so that maybe we could bribe them out of killing two kids who like to chase them and pick them up.  I bought them three days ago, figuring 2-3 treats per cat per day.  Half of the 6.5 oz bottle is gone, thanks to my two very enthusiastic cat lovers.  I just cleaned a handful off the floor a few minutes ago and then Audrey showed me another thing she needs to be taught.  Hopefully you can teach your children without the level of horror and disgust I just had to experience.

Audrey came running across the room with a big smile on her face, breathing heavily through her nose.  Her hair looked really awesome - she had pulled her loose bun out and I almost took a picture, it was so adorable.  I commented on her hair, then realized she was breathing really loudly and she looked REALLY proud of herself.  She's never that proud of her hair unless it's sticking straight up in the bathtub.  I looked at her with confusion, noticing the slight bulge at the bridge of her nose.  I listened again to her breathing and then I did what I normally do in this situation.

Okay, yes, there is a "what I normally do" because there has been a case, once or twice, where my daughter stuck something up her nose.  We had one thing, thought it was a fluke, then two beads in a row, so we promptly removed them and she was punished and it hasn't happened in months.  

I reached out and slid my thumb and pointer down her nose, easing whatever this bead was out of her nostril.  She broke a bead necklace yesterday, so I was almost grateful for the opportunity to get one of the beads back.  As it emerged, I realized with horror that this was not a bead "as usual" (what has my life become?) but was, in fact, a fish-shaped Moist Caribbean Catch Tuna Flavor Pounce cat treat.

It was at that moment that I discovered one of the more challenging lessons that a parent has to teach, realizing the delicate balance I needed to strike:
A. When you put a cat treat in your nose, you do need to tell someone.
B. When you tell them, you should not be proud to show them how you breathe with a cat treat up your nose. 

It was just like the one pictured, but I threw away the slimy one.  Audrey would have been in this picture, but she kept trying to re-enact the moment, which means I didn't teach her anything.  I took great pains to take this picture far away from her so she wouldn't get the connection between dimes and cat treats, which wouldn't be a far cry from dimes and her nose.  I think I might start captioning all my pictures with a whole other blog post but probably not.  I would like to make this caption even longer to note, for my keener-eyed reader(s), I matched this font color to the cat treat as best I could.  Gross, right?

About 15 minutes later, Audrey came up to hug me before her nap.  Everything about her smelled like cat treats, including her breath.  I asked if she had eaten a cat treat and she squealed in surprise:

"NO eating cat treats!  Cat treats for ca-ats!"
(Actually it was more like "NO ee-ding dat-feats!  Dat feats foe da-ats!")

She and Sebastian laughed and laughed.  I put them down for a nap so I don't have to look at or smell her right now.

Here's hoping she doesn't have any more surprises up her nose...