Not really unemployed (I'm a contractor without a contract) and it hasn't been that long (two weeks and two days to be exact) and it's because the Army moved us (from Oklahoma to Texas) but, since Aaron's been on leave at the same time, it's been a lovely perpetual weekend that we've spent getting the house in order and keeping the kids from watching too many movies. Or trying to. Today we had them draw on some packing papers and cardboard with markers and crayons. It was a lovely art class until Sebastian didn't like the spider he drew and had a complete meltdown, causing Audrey to scream and me to put everyone in timeout. Now they are watching a movie so I could clean the marker off the kitchen table from where the cardboard moved.
It's time to get them back in preschool.
Anyway, I hadn't planned to take any time off. I intended to leave my job on Friday and start a new job in a new state on Monday but of course that didn't happen. I spent the last month in Oklahoma training my replacement and spending time with friends, doing some laundry and move packing, so I lost momentum on the job search. We also realized that I didn't need to go immediately into a new job, so I took some time to get the house set up and work on my resume.
More than anything, I've been really excited about the move. New house, new job, new routine for everyone. The time together has been great - playing games, heading to the playground, catching up on Netflix, getting organized. Unfortunately, our little move bubble ends on Tuesday when Aaron goes back to work and I'll be home with the kids, working on my resume and trying to pick up where their awesome teachers left off until they get new awesome teachers.
I'll tell you: it's hard to stay motivated when you're at home, especially after you've been working full time. I'm not waking up until about 8:00 AM, when I would normally have the kids at school and be on the way to work. The dishes don't get done as quickly as they did when I was running out the door in the mornings. I keep opening the washer and going "Now what day did I put THESE in?" and re-running it.
I'm really not cut out for this.
Many people would remind me that I'm not really unemployed if I'm a mom, since that's a full-time job. I understand that. It is a full-time job and one that I often had to do while I was at the full-time job I was paid to do in an office. I'm a good Mom and I absolutely love being around my kids, and I consider this role my most important, full-time commitment, but for me, a huge part of that commitment is working outside of the house.
My kids are smart and happy and healthy and hysterical. They're the coolest people ever (obviously), but they're also developing in ways that I understand better when I see them outside of my house and when I get to talk to their teachers. Sebastian has recently started drawing stick figures. I think that's pretty cool. His teacher, on the other hand, informed me that this was a pretty big milestone. I had no idea. Audrey, meanwhile, can identify several letters, which is pretty advanced. Do I need to work with her on those or should I focus on colors? And, um, how do I do that?
More important than the milestones is providing my kids the basics: sleep, food, and hygiene. Moving has thrown our family schedule into upheaval, and we've had two nights this week where I realized I wanted to take the kids to the park after it was already dark. When I'm on a daily work schedule, I wake up on time, dinner is at roughly the same time each night, and I at least have a frame of reference for what day it is.
And none of this touches on me, and what I need. I need adult interaction and intellectual stimulation. Not just great conversation with a smart friend who also stays at home, but problems to solve that are unrelated to me, my house, or my routine. I need to feel productive, to contribute to the world around me, and to grow and improve the way I work and how I relate to other people.
This set up is not without its downsides - mostly the feeling that I do not have enough time for all the things I would like to do. A lot of things fell off my plate while I've been working with two kids, like cleaning, exercise, de-cluttering, personal professional development, and, of course, writing. I think I was going to start a Masters Degree two years ago. Totally didn't happen. I was also going to go through this box of papers that has moved through two apartments and now three houses. It's right next to my bed now. I need to get some file folders...
I'm trying to embrace this time that I have right now to spend time with the kids, get a few things done, but also keep up the momentum to get back into work and a routine. I'm also trying to relax a little: I don't want to push myself so hard that I need time off when I get to the new job. These are all completely different priorities and somehow hard to fit into these long, lazy days. I feel like it's Spring Break or a snow day, and I'm going to cram everything into the last two days when I realize I squandered all of my time off.
Somehow, between tickling kids and breaking up their arguments, unpacking boxes and getting the laundry folded, updating my resume and finishing a professional certification (finally), I'll spend the time I have before the next job. I can call myself a stay-at-home Mom or an un-utilized contractor, but I'll be both at the same time in the same place, doing the same things.
Hopefully I can get some things done.
No comments:
Post a Comment